...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
