Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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