I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
