So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
