I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
