At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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