i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
