Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
