Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
