you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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