Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
