I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
