Im at strip club and am horny
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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