I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
