I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
