i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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