Non-Jews are for practice
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
