was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
