I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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