allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Who died my cat blue again?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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