We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
