On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
