I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
