I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
