my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
