Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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