In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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