I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
