bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
