I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
