theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
