Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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