I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
