bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
