between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The Olympian is in my bed
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