I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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