Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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