Say something about gay babies.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
