I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
