No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
