After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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