Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
