I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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