I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
