She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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