Kareoke will never be a sober sport
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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