You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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