We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
