my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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