I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
