dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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