this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
