i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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