I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
