My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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