Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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