Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
