Dual....:-)
i love accidental penises.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
