Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we made out on top of his cat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
